Welcome to Goa! The land of sun, sand, beaches, and an abundance of happiness. Our little coastal state attracts tourists from all over India and the world because we have some of the most beautiful beaches, and an amazing culture to boot. So awesome are the people of Goa, that they are often quite tolerable of the stupid stuff tourists do when they see a beach for what seems like the first time. We understand that the whole scenario must be quite overwhelming, and the only frame of reference in terms of beach behaviour is what is shown to you in movies. Well, we’re here to tell you otherwise.
You’ve probably never felt sand between your toes while the waves crash around your ankles, nor have you ever seen a woman in a bikini enjoying the same exact feeling, standing right next to you. What do you do? How do you react? We’re not going to tell you what to do. In fact, we’re going to tell you 7 things that you should not do – ever, while you’re at a beach in Goa.
DO NOT swim in a saree, salwar, or lungi
Yes we appreciate your love for Indian culture and we realise that it probably is the most comfortable attire ever, but swimming in sarees, salwars, and lungis is not only visually unacceptable, it’s also extremely dangerous. Once your clothes get completely soaked, it is quite possible for the sheer weight to pull you under the water, and out to sea where drowning is inevitable. You don’t want that no? So please wear appropriate swimwear.
DO NOT cook food on the beach
Back home your decades-old family recipe for chole is legendary, and everyone comes to your house to eat it. Good. No need to make it in Goa. We have some awesome shacks and restaurants serving a variety of amazing cuisines. We’d love for you to explore the culinary side of Goa, so please leave your stove at home. We have food here to suit all tastes and budgets. Click here for some top-notch options.
DO NOT leave empty bottles and trash lying around
When you finish drinking that perfectly chilled beer – a must do in Goa, what do you do with the bottle? Do you bury it in the sand? Throw it in the sea? Leave it next to a tree so that it can magically become one with nature? First of all, it’s illegal to drink alcohol in public – that includes on the beach. But if you’re one of those people who think breaking to the law is cool, and decide to drink on the beach anyway, at least take the bottles and all your other trash back with you. Better yet, save your trash and exchange it for more beer. Yeah, you can do that in Goa, because that’s cool.
DO NOT ask random foreigners (or anyone) for selfies
There’s no doubt that you are the most handsome bloke amongst your three and a half friends. But just because a tiny percentage thinks so, doesn’t mean you need to test the theory by asking foreigners to take selfies with you. I can assure you they just want to be left alone. Also, we hate to break it to you, but no one in your ‘native’ is going to believe that the woman you coerced into clicking a selfie with you, was actually your girlfriend while you were here. It’s as unbelievable as your self-confidence.
DO NOT stare at women – regardless of where they’re from or what they’re wearing
This is usually a precursor to the point above. Contrary to what you may believe, no matter how dark your cooling glasses, gogs, shades, or whatever you want to call them are, women can see you staring at them; and it’s creepy AF. People come to the beach to relax, unwind, and be generally carefree. You staring at them does not help, so don’t do it!
DO NOT get touchy-feely with your significant or insignificant other
We see the red and white bangle sleeves, we know you’re probably on your honeymoon, and the beach can be a very romantic place. The blue waves, the ocean breeze – it’s just like every Bollywood movie you’ve watched, except there are literally hundreds of other people there, kids included, who do not want to see a trailer for your next generation – so please, get a room. Guesthouses and budget hotels are actually quite reasonable in Goa, so we suggest you save those sexy moves of yours for when you’re behind closed doors.
DO NOT play loud music
Congratulations on finding that awesome deal on a waterproof Bluetooth speaker online, but keep it in your room. Regardless of how a great a DJ you are at your depressing office parties, here in Goa, we practically invented the word party. That being said, you’ll often find shacks having little parties of their own with some amazing DJs, so hit the dancefloor and join the fun. There’s no need for you to be Nikhil Chinapa under a beach umbrella.
Do you have any more suggestions? Feel free to add them in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you.